“The Happening” Ain’t Happening

OH…MAH…GAWD! M. Night just broke wind! Run For Your Lives!

Somewhere either during or right after “Signs”, M. Night Shyamalan lost his marbles. Or he became a genius. I haven’t decided which. I went into this movie thinking I was going to see a strange horror film. Touted as the first “R” rated M. Night movie, I was thinking “Ooooooh! Could be kinda scary, kinda gory, kinda really weird!” So I was all excited to see a real frightfest! But instead, I saw what could possibly be the greatest comedy twist EVER!

Seriously, here’s the gist of it…plants are pissed off and decide they are gonna kill everyone.

Wait for it…

And Marky Mark Wahlberg and his wife race against the wind (literally) to save themselves from standing still or walking backwards or running themselves over with a lawnmower (which totally happens! I shit you not! Only a genius could think of something like that!).

Wait for it…

And then Marky Mark talks to rubber plants.

Wait for it…

And the best actor in the whole movie (John Leguizamo) is dead about 20 minutes into the movie leaving his dim-witted daughter who apparently can’t act ’cause she has 2 lines in the whole movie with Zooey Deschanel who can’t act either and should have had only 2 lines in the movie!

Wait for it…

And then there was an old lady with a doll who was a bit crazy…and then she wasn’t. And then she was. And then she put her head through the window.

And then it’s over…but it’s not! 

Wait for it…

And then the comedy moved to France.



Helloooo? I said…And then the comedy MOVED TO FRANCE!

Aaaand…apparently there might be a sequel!


(cue crickets)


I don’t get it. But I laughed my ass off! I totally pissed off the couple sitting in front of me. I think I heard someone tell me to quiet down! My brother tossed candy at me. At some point, and I think it was when Marky Mark started talking to the rubber plant and then he actually says “I can’t believe I am talking to a rubber plant!”, I started to realize that M. Night has totally flipped his lid and become a comedy writer! It’s the only thing I can think of because the dialogue and the acting and the music and the overall theme of this film is just laughable! Seriously…this is a terrible, terrible horror film.

But it might be one of the best family comedies of this week!

Overall Rating…as a drama/horror film: F.

But as a comedy? I give it a B. And it could have been better if it wasn’t for the guy killing himself by lawnmower. Seriously…that wasn’t funny at all…


4 thoughts on ““The Happening” Ain’t Happening

  1. Dude, if the reviews are bad enough your “Best comedy ever” line could very well start running with the promos for this movie. That would be awesome.

    Hey, I’m a big Leguizamo fan too. His stand up/one-man acts are hilarious.

  2. I love it ! (Your review, not the movie). I think
    the little girl and the plants both went to the
    same school of acting. Also, the guy throwing
    himself to the lions was a bit much. But enough
    about M. Night Shyamalan… Ha Ha !!!

  3. I really wanted to see this movie, since I like M. Night Shyamalan, but I’m so confused….talking plants? head through window? FRANCE??? I was hoping for a more organized scary movie, not whatever-the-hell it is!

  4. Hahaha! Now I think I need to go see this movie, so I can laugh at it too!

    And PS – holy posting Batman! You were busy while I was on vacation. I have a lot of reading and commenting to catch up on!!!!

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