It is 10:15am at The Easton Towne Center in Columbus, Ohio. My Watchmen experience is just about to begin. My bud Tony and I are racing up the corridor to the IMAX theatre when we hear the low grumble that can only be the beginning of a bad ass movie. We find our seats on the right middle side of the theatre, not middle but close enough. The thrill of knowing nothing about the movie that I am about to see is starting to take hold when I notice it. Not one person in the theatre is talking. I turn around, no cell phone lights, no texting. I sit there confused, what is this? This is the best theatre experience I have had for a long time……
Alright, there are like three 35 year old virgins out there who went into this movie knowing all the characters names and they all had huge expectations for their favorite adult comic book film adaptation. The rest of us knew nothing, and we get laid often. But, we all had one thing in common by the time this 3 hour movie finished. We were all now fans of “The Watchmen”.
The movie opens up with the greatest “schooling” of characters I have ever scene. The credits are rolling as snapshots of our characters are shown across a period of time accompanied by some Bob Dylan which fit perfectly. The next 2 1/2 hour are filled with the grittiest, dirtiest, most violent content you could take from a comic book and put on screen. Beautiful.. I will however ask that if you are crazy about spoilers, TURN AWAY, the next few lines do contain some items that I can’t shake.
1) Dr. Manhattan is hung like a Smurf Horse. I don’t understand why this “being” only wore his thong half the time. One minute his giant blue….uh, you know….is all over the screen (remember this is IMAX, I am having nightmares now) and the next scene he is covered up. I guess if I controlled matter I might stroll naked with that weapon out too.
2) Rorschach is the best character in this movie. I could have watched him kick ass for three hours and been happy. He does look a little like a pissed off David Caruso when his mask comes off, whatever, my favorite character.
3) An actual sex scene in a comic movie? Not complaining, applauding.
4) I love how this film really exposes how psychotic a super hero would have to be to do what they do. You see Batman and he grumbles and beats up bad guys, but he doesn’t ever cross that line between bad and good. We all cross that line sometimes which makes these characters so realistic, they are as fucked up as me! Well, I am not that fucked up.
5) I didn’t think it could happen, but, this beats “The Dark Night” as best comic movie ever.
Grade: A+, no doubt about it.