Freddie Is Back! But I Think I’ll Pass…


Are you ready for Freddie? Again?

When I first heard that there was gonna be a remake of “A Nightmare On Elm Street”, my first thought was, “Why?” But then I realized…they’re remaking EVERY HORROR FILM EVER MADE…so why not? Then I heard that Jackie Earle Haley was gonna play the role of Freddie and so I rethought my negativity towards the whole thing considering Jackie was awesome in “Little Children” & “Watchmen” and I actually considered seeing it.

Then I saw the trailer.

And then there were no early screening reviews.

And now I know: I can wait til it’s on HBO. Or Showtime. Or when it’s available as a free download somewhere. Or…maybe never see it ever.

I realize we are in short supply of creative ideas for movies (or so we are led to believe), but all this remaking just to do it seems unnecessary. I understand that whoever bankrolled this movie will make money off it. I figure horror flicks cost minimal to make, with the cost of fake blood and rubbery torn limbs at such a low cost considering Halloween was 6 months ago. So fiscally…it makes sense. But for me to pay $10 to see it doesn’t make sense mostly because…well…I’ve already seen it.

The original “Nightmare” was released in 1984. I was 15 years old. It came along after the Halloween series had become a one-trick pony (how many different ways can you kill sexually charged teens with a machete?) and horror was a dying genre. Freddie Krueger rescued horror, making it “hip” again. Killing was fun (and funny) again. So, in that regard, remaking it DOES kind of make sense. I mean, horror films are notoriously filled with humor. It’s FUN to be scared, but Hollywood has been making FUN horror for some time now. Look at the “Scream” or the “Final Destination” franchises in this decade for example. As silly as I think they are, they DO try to be creative when it comes to offing their victims and were a welcome change from the “crazed maniac” killers of the 80’s.

 Then along came all the “slasher porn” that has shredded all the fun. So now we have the “Saw” films and other movies that are more vicious in nature. There’s not much fun in the remake of “The House On The Left” (or so I hear) or the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” remake from a few years ago (that one I HAVE seen. It’s horrific and very intense). The “Saw” films are made for slasher fans who like to see blood & decapitations. Freddie was more of a visionary. He wanted the killings to be creative and fun in the process. And girls think he’s cute.

So the new “Nightmare” will apparently reset the franchise and open the doors for a whole new generation of horror fans who want to laugh while being scared. I think it’s cool that Fred has returned and the claws originally filled by Robert Englund have been filled by Earle Haley. He’s a quality actor who will benefit from the notoriety that Freddie will bring him. But I can honestly say I don’t need to pay my hard-earned money to see him slash his way through a whole new group of helpless victims. I’ve already seen him do that once and that was enough for me. I’ve moved on from such silliness and now MY form of horror is “Wild Hogs”. Seriously…John Travolta wearing chaps??? HORRIFYING!

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