Salt


What do ya mean I look like that alien from “Close Encounters?”

What in the world is going on with the action summer flick this season? I mean…aside from Iron Man 2, there hasn’t been a thing going on that is remotely interesting. From “Robin Hood” to “The A-Team” to “Knight & Day” and now to THIS made-for-tv Angelina Jolie flick that is as implausible as any action movie I have ever seen? C’mon Hollywood…you’re stinkin’ it up! If “The Other Guys” & “The Expendables” suck (which they might…but the trailers are AWESOME!), this will officially be the worst summer of action movies since the big budget flick stormed the megaplexes back in the early 80’s. I mean…this movie was just utterly ridiculous.

Here’s the thing…you gotta REALLY suspend belief with this one. And you have to know that there’s more than meets the eye. And then you have to accept that a thin, beautiful woman with really bad hair and strong eye contact techniques can whip the asses of over 50 armed CIA, FBI and NYC police officers and leap from truck to semi to candy truck and then you have to accept about a gazillion plot holes and then try to believe that at any point all of what you’ve been shown is complete crap and then you just have to accept it because…well…

…because it’s an Angelina Jolie action flick and that’s just all ya got once this thing is over. It WANTS to be “The Bourne Identity” for chicks…but it fails on just about every level possible. It’s not as smart as it wants you to believe. It’s not as action-packed as it wants you to believe. And never once did I ever think that the way the plot was heading was going to be the ending they wanted you to believe it was gonna be. It was stupid and unbelievable and for that…this movie gets a big fat “F”. Shame on you, Angelina. Your fans deserve better. And to whatever studio released this crap? Here’s hoping you see the errors in your ways and you decide to NOT release “Salt II: Too Salty” in a couple of years. I know they’re looking for the sequel but they gotta know…we’re not.

Overall Rating: I just told ya but in case you forgot…F

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