Transformers: Dark Side Of The Moon

This picture is WAAAAAY cooler than this movie…

Damn you Michael Bay. Oh how I wanted to like this movie. I KNOW it’s summer bombastic blowout ridiculous action with absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever and eat your popcorn and shut up about it but for crying out loud…gimme SOME kind of story! Or let me rephrase…give me a COHERENT story. Because this is all over the place.

Let’s begin with the good…

Shia LeBeouf: The guy is a lot of fun to watch, especially when he comes unhinged.

3D: Not bad for the first time since Avatar. Is it great? No. But for once there’s a reason to plunk down an extra $5.

Rosie Huntington-Whitely: Her first appearance in the film is worth the price of admission.

And that’s about it.

Now the bad…

Wasted talent: How can you have Frances McDormand, John Malcovich, Alan Tudyk, Ken Jeong and John Turturro in a movie and they all kind of suck. Okay…Malcovich has a few good scenes but other than that? Nuthin’.

Wasted action: This movie should be AWESOME in the action department but with such a plodding plot and so little to set everything up, the film never gets moving. And when a flick is over 2 hours long, that is the kiss of death. Especially when the movie is about fighting robots.

The Soundtrack: Generic and in EVERY SCENE?!? Turn that stupid music down a notch and crank up the sweet Transformers morphing noises! But the patriotic theme music drove me crazy!

Needless to say, I didn’t care much for Transformers: Dark Side Of The Moon. Is it the worst movie of the series? That’s debatable. I can’t tell you when it lost my interest but for the first 30 minutes I kind of enjoying it but then it just started sucking and there was no going back. Actually…now that I think about it…I kind of DO know when it started sucking and it was when Patrick Dempsey made his appearance. Not that I don’t like Dempsey but it seemed from where his character was introduced it all took a turn for the worst. Not that I can pen this debacle on him because it is obviously Bay’s influence that took this flick over the edge but his character just seemed so unnecessary and every scene that he is in d have been completely edited out. So from that standpoint, I’ll blame his character for making me lose interest in this story. Well…his character and all the other reasons as I’ve mentioned.

But what about the robots? Weren’t they cool? Sure…just like they were in the previous 2 movies. They haven’t really gotten any better or worse and for my money it seems like there are too many parts moving which makes it hard to know who to root for. Ya got Decepticons and Octogons and Hectagons and all kinds of “Gons” flying all over the place and yet our military sneaks in past a secured Decepticon region and a starlet runs from Sentinal Prime (voiced by Leonard Nimoy?!?) and escapes and Bumblebee whining and blubbering all over the place. It’s gotten old and to the point where it’s all gotten to be old hat.

Time to shelve the Transformers now that Smurfs are ready to hit the big screen. I’m thinking at this point it’s time for the big screen version of “Lidsville” to hit in Hollywood. Now THAT is a adaptation that I would pay BIG money to see…

Transformers Overall Rating: C-

The idea of a Lidsville big screen adaptation: B+


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