Frank’s Top 50 List: Same Great Flavor As Alan’s, Just Dumbed Up

If Alan’s list is the girl you ask to study with, mine is the girl you ask to prom. – Frank 2008

#50 – Magnolia– Tom Cruise rules in this movie. Explicit, rude and completely torn to shreds. Great story lines and character development. Alan thought it was OK…..in fast forward.

#49 – Casino – My buddy and I once counted the “F Bombs” in this movie, great times. Really shows how dangerous Vegas once was, and that even Robert De Niro looks silly in HUGE 70’s glasses.

#48 – The Pineapple Express – I can just tell.

#47- Braveheart– Completely hogwash but still moving. Everybody quoted this movie for 2 years after it’s release. There are still rare FREEDOM’s screamed now and then, but those are looked down on as cliche.

#46- Casino Royal – The best Bond film ever. TO THE RIGHT!!! Watch it and cringe.

#45- Rushmore – You’ve seen it, if not…shame!! Maybe the oddest love triangle movie involving a teacher, student, and Bill Murray. Maybe.

#44- The Legend of 1900 – OK, most people have never even heard of this. So here is a brief summary (don’t get used to it). A boy is born on a cruise ship during the year 1900, he is abandoned on ship and learns to play the piano really, really well. People try to lure him off the ship to become a piano great he declines. But for how long? Go watch it and see.

#43- The Silence of the Lambs – If being a cannibal ever seemed cooler, I missed it. Cool suspense thriller, but the “tuck and cross” scene makes me cringe. That guy is on Monk now, think a day goes by they don’t give him shit about that scene?

#42- 28 Days Later– Not really one for gore, but I do make exceptions for end of the world flicks. Going out isn’t going to be pretty for the human race, is it? Might as well be realistic. I mean, zombies would be nasty.

#41- Gone In 60 Seconds– Love the cars, love the chase scenes, love Angelina Jolie. Done.

#40- Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark– Better than Temple of Doom, and miles and miles better than the Skull thingy from ’08. Really what an action adventure should be.

#39- Boogie Nights – Saw this in a dollar theatre and was amazed. Marky Mark could act? Wow! And that dude has got a huge _______! If you have seen it…finish that sentence yourself.

#38- Three O’Clock High – A high school bully meets his match in a 130 pound nerd. That’s why it’s fiction.

#37- Stand By Me– Just great story telling about an adventure of 4 boys from the early 60’s. River Phoenix showed what an actor he could have been.

#36- The Terminator 2– Should have stopped here and waited till 2009 for the next segment, but no! They had to make a chick Terminator. The Guns N Roses soundtrack really set the tone for the amount of action this movie had.

#35 – The Terminator– The dawn of cheesy one-liners. The beginning of a franchise that will ultimately jump the shark with a 65-year old terminator only to totally redeem itself in 2009!!!!!

#34- Let It Ride– A day we have all wished for one way or another. It’s great to watch this poor sucker get his due and wish we could get ours.

#33-Payback– Mel Gibson hides his hatred for Jews and gets down to some serious butt kicking. He also takes a butt kicking…but like a man!

#32- Lost Boys– Vampires are cool til they try to get your mom. The soundtrack is solid and the effects were great for their time.

#31- Better Off Dead– Your not gonna find a ’68 Camaro lying around, but so what. This movie is a classic of 80’s Americana and the battle between born winners and the rest of us.

#30- Knocked Up– My wife and I saw this after we had our first, so we got it…all of it. Hilarious to the point of tears.

#29- Far and Away– Cruise and Kidman as Irish settlers. Just another historic drama that I loved while everyone else hated it. Whatever…it’s my list.

#28- Mr. and Mrs. Smith– Assassins, hot chick, Brad Pitt rocking to Whitesnake…any day of the week baby.

#27-Lucky Number Sleven– I like revenge tales and ones of assassins. Two birds, one deadly stone.

#26-Cool Hand Luke– Just because Paul Newman eats eggs like a snake gets the film on my list. That and prison movies are cool. We love to watch prison movies, prison shows, but we would commit suicide if we were locked up for real….hmmmm

#25- Glory– Made me cry when Denzel was taking that beating. Maybe the  best war movie ever. Don’t say ‘Saving Private Ryan was….’! Whatever. This is based on true events. I bet you think the Titanic was a real boat. Fools.

#24- The Game – Holy cow, what a ride. This is the model for suspense thrillers. BEST ENDING OF ANY MOVIE OF ALL TIME. Except “The Sixth Sense”, of course.

#23-True Romance– I seam to like action films, and this is another. The idea that two people can find each other and stick so close through such a mess is amazing. Chris Walken is also hilarious.

#22-Frailty– Just rent it…no spoilers here. And yes, I know…the Titanic was a real boat. I’m not that dumb.

#21- The Usual Suspects– I should have been a criminal mastermind, it looks so interesting. Great movie with an awesome ending. Can’t beat this movie the first time around.

#20- A History of Violence – Just love this movie for its dirty world meets Mayberry atmosphere. The whole ‘I used to be a bad ass gangster, but now I serve coffee’ storyline is so simple yet completely satisfying.

#19-Desperado– If you like hot chicks and gun stories then…you’ve seen this 100 times. Great action and Selma Hayek is smoking hot…which doesn’t hurt.

#18- The Razors Edge– Bill Murray’s best film period. I am drawn to films set in historical settings, and this one tells a great story. Should be higher, but I am lazy.

#17- Young Guns– I’ll make you famous. Gork on a Fruit ranch. Billy! If any of this means anything to you…we could hang.

#16- Office Space– PC Load letter? That still cracks me up! My wife and I will watch this occasionally to chill out after a bad week of work. You should too!

#15-The Godfather Part 2– Now Alan has to watch the second part..HAHAHAHAHA

#14-L.A. Story– Funny flick about love, destiny and how F*cked up L.A. can be. Steve Martin directed this, and wrote it, and cast his wife as the lead female role. I think he was also key grip….. 

#13- Joe Versus The Volcano– I love adventures. Although silly, this one moves you with Tom being the down and out everyday Joe…and he does battle on the little island with a big volcano!!

#12- The Matrix– The two sequels kept it out of the top ten. Honestly, it’s not as impressive anymore…but I’m loyal and this movie broke some serious ground.

#11- Kill Bill– It’s one movie, not two. QT’s second best showing. His best is……

#10- Pulp Fiction– If this movie eludes your list, you don’t like movies. Sam Jackson…hell everyone and everything about this movie rocks.

#9- American Werewolf In London– Great soundtrack, funny, scary when you were 10…beats the crap out of the S&M gore shit they peddle nowadays.

#8- Die Hard– The original and still the best. “Vengeance” is close, but the first sets the bar high.

#7-Forrest Gump– Was this Tom Hanks last really good movie? Oh, well. I love epics and this takes us through an adventure that covers decades and continents.

#6-Vanilla Sky– Tommie plays a vain rich punk that only cares about himself…..I wish I could get a gig as an average looking, lower middle class, retail worker. Reminder to self:move this to 48.

#5-Cape Fear– Really the only bad guy from any movie that scares me.

#4- The Boonedock Saints– Because you all say under your breath that if we could just kill all the bad people. Alan has yet to see this, shame on you! (Editors Note: Uh…yes I have! And it was good. Not great.)

#3- American Beauty– God, I wish I had the balls to do that. Not get killed, but just let it all go…and then find it again. There’s hope…I’m not far from the bottom right now. Less to lose!!!

#2- The Shawshank Redemption– You’ve seen it on TNT like 50 times so you know why it’s on my list. Morgan Freeman could talk aliens from invading with his passive monotone voice. Truly awesome.

#1 – Fight Club – This movie is funny as hell and should remind us how trivial most of the crap we deal with really is. Brad Pitt and Ed Norton are beautiful in Fight Club; who we are and who we want to be. Some take this movie and whine…”it’s soooo violent”. Those are chicks. This is not a chick movie! Rosie O’Donnell can kiss my ass. Thank You.

*Note: None of the Star Wars films are on this list. I am too young to appreciate their lameness, or inability to stick to a story line. Sorry, for any inconvenience. Plus I am not a virgin.